Cruise Chronicles: Dancing Waiters

Cruise Chronicles - My wife and I recently returned from a nine-day Caribbean cruise. These are our tales.

Cruise lines recruit from poor nations worldwide, offering men and women the opportunity to make a better life for themselves and for their family. All the cruise lines ask for is hard work, long days, and unyielding courtesy. Oh, and they must dance for us.

Why??

Why do wait staff dance at dinner? Who thought this was a good idea? My ongoing theory is that your typical cruise passengers become insecure when their waiter from Honduras speaks better English than they do. This insecurity, is, of course, not pleasant. So we make our wait staff dance for us when they need reminding of the proper pecking order.

Waiter: Sir, may I offer a full-bodied Tuscan Chianti to complement your filet?

Sir: I don't like your tone. Please flail your arms so I can feel superior.

Cue music: Cent, five cent, ten cent, dollar. Cent, five cent, ten cent, dollar.

Okay, it isn't quite that bad. Sometimes we twirl our napkins in the air to support of our favorite waiter. But they have to earn that.

Side note: One of the dance songs was "Hey Look Me Over," the Broadway tune that was purchased by Huey Long and turned into our alternate LSU fight song, "Hey Fightin' Tigers."