¿Why don't we use these?

I had to sit through five hours of interviews today because the Navy is
turning my job into a civilian position and I was asked to chair the
selection panel. My six months' experience and 24 years of age apparently
qualifies me to interview sexagenarians.

"Sir, you have fought in the Vietnam War, have touched every single water
and steam valve on this base and have been a supervisor for longer than I
have been alive. What qualifies you to do my job?"

Anyway, back to the subject. I picked up McDonald's coffee on the way in
because it was cheap, I wanted a parfait (don't judge), and I needed
something to keep me awake. During the interviews I had plenty of time to
study the black plastic top. It carried the usual caution with an
anthropomorphic twist: "Caution: I'm hot! ¡Cuidad: Esta caliente!"

Three things:

1. Mexicans do not anthropomorphize.

2. "Caution: I'm hot!" would be a great punch line for a narcissistic female
coffee cup joke.

3. Upside down punctuation marks are useful in a situation like this. In
the English version, I had no idea I should be concerned until I hit the
exclamation mark. I was lulled into a false sense of security. The
Spanish, however, hits you immediately with the gravity of the situation.
It's like prefacing their exclamations with Hey! and their questions with
Yo:

¿Esta caliente? Yo, is that hot?
¡Esta caliente! Hey! That's hot!

Why can't we do that?? No, excuse me. ¿¿Why can't we do that?? I'm tired
of waiting until the end of sentences to find out if I need to be
inquisitive or surprised. I don't need that kind of suspense.

I also have similar qualms about ampersands. No one can draw the damn
things. You go through all the effort to abbreviate "and" but then you give
the symbol a name that is three times longer than the word it replaces.
¿Why? The ampersand should be called "nd." Anything else is a waste of my
time. That's why I stick to "+," the poor man's ampersand.