You are an idiot. Please hang up and try again.

I absolutely hate feeling incompetent at anything electronic.  It makes me feel old.  Usually I do pretty good with tech, but voicemail kills me every time I check it.

I have a voicemail for my desk phone, a voicemail for my work cell, and a voicemail for my personal cell.  All three systems are completely different.  To delete a message I press *D on one phone, 2 on another phone, and 7 on the third phone.  And I can never remember which one goes with which system.  I always pick the wrong key, and I start to panic when that crass bitch on the other end starts to get impatient with me and brings up that "invalid entry" crap.  I know it's the wrong key, you parsimonious hag.

I have gotten pretty decent at my personal cell, but on my work phones I am so maladroit that the systems actually give up on me.  They come up with some lame excuse and at times submit that I seek

Cell phone:
"It appears our system cannot process your entries.  Try again later. <click>"  Translated:  "Our system was designed for individuals with IQ equal to or better than a thumb tack.  Please come back if you ever achieve high-level brain activity. <click>"

Desk phone:
"Invalid entry.  Please get help and try again. <click>"  Translated:  "Invalid entry.  You are an excellent candidate for a private room in your local psychiatric ward.  Please try again when you can adequately function in society. <click>"