It cooks...and cleans?!

I watched my oven clean itself for the first time on Saturday. It was amazing. In an hour, every bit of dripped cheese and every crumb of unknown and suspect origin was reduced to a tidy pile of ashes. I am still beside myself. As a closet-OCD guy with no love for cleaning, automated help is greatly appreciated. I have a Roomba. I use Tilex religiously. I employ various methods for cleaning toilets without actually touching them.

But I admit I was initially skeptical of this self-cleaning feature, which explains why it went unused for this long. I knew that as soon as I pressed the "Clean" button, the oven would lock me out, as if it were saying, "Nah, bro, I got this." This to me is an attitude unbecoming of a kitchen appliance. The first fifteen minutes were hard, but once I glimpsed the near-Hades being recreated in my kitchen and watched the cheese drippings incinerated into itty bitty cheese constituents, I had a better time of letting go.

Now I am convinced of the oven's lofty perch high above the lesser appliances. When was the last time you helped me out, stove? And don't get me started, microwave. No matter how the power setting, you still manage to spew tomato sauce everywhere. Every appliance should have a clean-by-vaporization option. Anything less is more work for me.