The Continuing, Continuing Resolution

Congress and I have a fairly simple relationship. I work for the federal government as a "value-added" employee, saving more money than I expend, and in return, Congress gives me the money I need to do my job.

Ideally, Congress would pass a budget over the summer. Worst case, by September 30. But this year, like last year, we are going to make it to Christmas without any actual authority to spend money.

This is called a "Continuing Resolution," in which Congress is kind enough to give us just enough money to pay our employees (well, most of them) and to keep the lights on (well, some of them). We can't spend money on any new programs. Right now, there is a two feet by two feet hole in the side of the building, and I can't fix it, because it was not an existing condition last year.

This is the only thing Congress absolutely is required to do every year, for Pete's sake. I don't care about minor changes to tax codes giving medium-to-large businesses a tax break for promising to think about energy conservation. Pass a budget!

Obviously, this is fiscal irresponsibility on the macro level, but, at least in this case, macroeconomic failures mimic those on a more familiar, microeconomic level.

Me: Dude, you got your share of the rent yet?
Congress: Wha?
Me: The rent. It was due, like, two months ago.
Congress: Can't it wait til this show is over?
Me: You're watching Dora the Explorer.
Congress: I know! Immigration is big now. I'm staying informed.
Me: It's a kid show.
Congress: Kids are our future.
Me: What does that have to do with this?
Congress: With what?
Me: The rent.
Congress: What rent?
Me: Are you kidding me?! The money you owe to allow you to continue to exist in your current degenerative state.
Congress: Whoa, calm down. No sense bringing my state into this. Besides, didn't I pay you, like, a couple months ago?
Me: It's due every month.
Congress: Seriously?
Me: Seriously.
Congress: My financial situation is kinda fuzzy right now. Can you float me for a couple months?
Me: Come on! You can't just sit around here and produce excrement! You have to honor your financial--
(Lights go out)
Congress: Dora! No!!
Me: Jesus! Did you pay the power bill?
Congress: Hey, neither God nor His children have any place in this conversation. Of course I paid the bill.
Me: What's that?
Congress: Beer bottles. But you don't want to drink that. I was watching the game and the bathroom was awfully-
Me: No, under the bottle...is that the electric bill?
Congress: No, of course not. That's the second notice for the electric bill. I haven't seen the electric bill.
Me: But you paid it?
Congress: Well, I hadn't saw it in a while, so I assumed I paid it.
Me: I am going to stab you with a pencil.